Why do pipers march when they play? To get away from the sound.
Why do pipers march while they play? A moving target is harder to hit.

How do you get two pipers in tune with each other? Shoot one of them.

The definition of a gentleman - Someone who knows how to play the bagpipes
-- BUT DOESN'T!

What's the difference between a bagpipe and a chainsaw? The chainsaw doesn't have vibrato.

How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch? He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks.

What's the range of a bagpipe? Twenty yards if you have a good arm.

Why are bagpipers fingers like lightning? They rarely strike the same spot twice.

If you took all the bagpipers in the world and laid them end to end - it would be a good idea.

How many bagpipers does it take to change a light bulb? Five, one to handle the bulb and the other four to contemplate how Bill Livingston would have done it.

How many bagpipers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Five, one to do it, and four to criticise his fingering style.

How many bagpipers does it take to change a light bulb? Five, one to handle the bulb, the other four to tell him how much better it was done in the old days.

How many drum sergeants does it take to change a light bulb? Have you ever tried to get a drum sergeant to change anything?

How many bagpipers does it take to change a light bulb? Five, one to hold the bulb and four to drink until the room spins.

How can you tell if there's a bass drummer at the door? The knock speeds up.

A man is standing on a street corner with a sign saying, "Tell me your IQ and I'll guess your profession." A guy walks up, and says "My IQ is 147." "Oo...", says the man. "You're a nuclear physicist, eh?" "That's right", says the guy, and walks off. A second guy walks up and says, "My IQ is 189." "Wow", says the man. "Brain surgeon, eh?" "Right you are", says guy #2 and he walks off. A third guy walks up and says, "My IQ is 62." The man asks, "Really? What kind of sticks do you use?"